the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
