if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
