Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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