i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
