Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
