Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
