Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
