Non-Jews are for practice
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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