Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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