marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
