Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
