do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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