Im at strip club and am horny
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
