K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
