Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
