If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
