i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
