I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
