Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
