On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pooping to opera.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
