I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
