he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
