My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
