well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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