Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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