I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
