The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its not stalking. its research.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
