I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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