He told me they were just razor bumps!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
