I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
