So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
