Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
