At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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