So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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