i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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