Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
