Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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