no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
