I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
