why didn't you poke me back
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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