Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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