You can't motorboat a personality
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
