Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
