is wine microwaveable?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
