Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
