i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found puke in my bra..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
