did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
