I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The air was thick with penises
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
