She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
