And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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