And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
