Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
