please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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