Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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