I wish I could teleport
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
