how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
