Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wish there were birth control emojis
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
