So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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